I’m breaking up with my OB.
Yes, I’m 29 weeks pregnant and have decided to switch OB’s. But it’s not as crazy as it sounds.
In reality, I’m just returning to my “first love” – is it weird to refer to an OB that way? You might remember that I gave birth to the Mini Athlete in St. Petersburg, where we lived at the time. And I absolutely LOVED my entire birth experience. Yes, I had an epidural. Yes, I napped during active labor (from about 5cm to 8cm). And yes, I would love to have a repeat performance of that experience!
But more than anything, I loved the people who helped deliver the Mini Athlete. One of my childhood friends (since preschool!) is a nurse at the hospital where I delivered and came in on her day off to essentially be my private-duty nurse. (Spoiled much?)
And I cannot say enough good things about the OB who delivered the Mini Athlete. We actually went to church together when I lived in St. Pete and I have ABSOLUTE confidence in her abilities as a doctor. Why? Because she quite literally saved one of my best friend’s life during a very scary delivery. You can’t get a better referral than that!
When we moved to Venice, I started going to a new OB. I got a recommendation from a friend and I really wanted to like my new doctor. I really did. I really wanted to like the office. I really did.
But I didn’t.
I felt like a number. No one pronounced my name correctly. And then last Thursday, the proverbial straw broke the proverbial camel’s back.
I stepped on the scale as I am I asked to do at every doctor’s appointment. So far, I’ve gained about 16 lbs. I’m fairly certain that’s significantly less than I had gained at this point with my last pregnancy. I actually felt pretty good about the number I saw!
After waiting for my appointment for an hour, then sitting in the exam room for a while, my OB joined me. The first thing she says?
“Wow – you’ve gotten big!”
DUH. I’m pregnant. Thanks for noticing.
She looked at my chart.
“Hmm…you’ve gained a bit of weight – but nothing alarming.”
THEN WHY DID YOU SAY ANYTHING???
She measured my belly. “Hmm…I guess you’re not TOO big…”
She spent about 90 seconds in the room with me, listened to the baby’s heartbeat, and sent me on my way. But the damage was done.
Maybe I had an extra dose of pregnancy hormones. Maybe my old self-image issues were kicking in. But suddenly I felt extremely self-conscious. Frustrated. Out of sorts. Uncomfortable.
From the very beginning, my husband has told me that he would support me going back to my OB in St Pete. Yes, the hospital is an hour away – but depending on traffic, my hospital here could take 45 minutes or so to reach.
There are so many advantages to the hospital in St Pete. It’s state-of-the-art. My friend Mandy works as a nurse there. All Children’s Hospital is literally an elevator ride away should something scary happen. And best of all, my OB will be there.
Have you ever made a decision where you just knew it was the right thing? That’s how I felt as soon as I called to set up my next appointment with my OB in St Pete. I felt at peace. Comfortable. I’m actually looking forward to giving birth again!
Who knows how it will all actually happen, but I feel much more comfortable knowing where I’ll be. I kept trying to downplay it in my mind – telling myself “It’s not a big deal” if I don’t feel comfortable with my new OB.
Umm…yes it is.
Bringing a child into the world is one of the biggest events in a woman’s life. It seems a little trivial that some insensitive comments about my weight would be the trigger to help me make the decision to go back, but I’m glad it happened.
Sometimes you just have to go with your gut. Even if that gut is looking a little large these days. 
thewannabeathlete@gmail.com
good for you going with your gut! if something doesn’t feel right, make the change.
Way to follow your gut! With my daughter I wasn’t in love with our OB throughout most of the pregnancy… I still had a good birth experience, but I know how important it is to feel comfortable with the team helping you with this huge life changing process!
Good for you!! My story is too long for the comments section but with my first pregnancy I loved my OB up until 38 weeks when she started talking (unnecessary induction and c-sections!) … and I of course ended up with a c-section and I do “blame” her for it …. I immediately switched, I didn’t even see her for my postpartum check up. Break ups are GOOD. Good for you. I’m, thankfully, able to stay at the same hospital because I did love the nurses and the care I received from anyone *other* then my OB and the practice.
I don’t blame you one bit. Your first birth experience sounds amazing. Why wouldn’t you want to strive for that again? Giving birth is a huge deal. This had been nagging inside of you for weeks, and i think the weight comment was the tip of the iceberg so to speak. The one that made you say….yup, i’m not comfortable here. Good for you for making the switch!
When it comes to yours and your family’s health you should always go with your gut.
Any OB telling me “you’ve gotten big” would be gone, unless I had a good relationship with them. I have been going to mine for ~14 years he can say different things to me that a new doc couldn’t just because there is a relationship there.
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I like two of my OBs better than one, but I don’t get control over who will deliver my baby (they take turns at the hospital). I’m obviously not bothered too much by it, especially not enough to drive further.
I think who is there during your labor and delivery is FAR more important than any other factor. You need to feel comfortable with putting your trust in them at such an important and intense time. Good for you for following your instincts even if it isn’t the most convenient decision!
Isn’t that a totally healthy amount and on the low side of the chart?
I think you were right to trust your instincts. I had to fire two doctors before finding the RE that was able to help us get pregnant. There were red flags that I simply could not ignore.
Good for you! I remember visiting you the day after you gave birth and you were GLOWING in the hospital. Not only were you gushing over your beautiful newborn son, but you were gushing over the entire birthing experience and birthing team (actually I think you convinced me that when I give birth I need to make the drive to St. Pete to make it happen). I say go with your gut and do what’s right. Plus, you’ll be closer to me so I can visit as soon as the baby’s born. Priorities people!
I’m drinking Yogi tea… and my tea bag says “Live by intuition and consciousness” – how perfect! Glad you went with your gut, good for you
Hallelujah…I broke up with my OB practice at 26 weeks and was terrified! For me, it was mostly about going to a different hospital for delivery but the treatment I’d had at the place didn’t help.
Since my move, I’m much happier and I know you will be too.
Good for you! The most important thing is your comfort level.
Switch! Even if it’s just for your personal comfort level, feeling comfortable is seriously crucial for you during labor and delivery. You want to feel as confident as you can in your health care provider, so you can worry about other things, like having your baby.
Maybe there’s something you can sense you don’t like, and it’s not so much the specific examples you give, but just a gut feeling and vibe. Go with it!
I switched at 20 weeks with my daughter from an ob-gyn to a certified hospital nurse midwives practice and it was the best thing I could have done. I’m using them again this time even though it means driving an hour to deliver instead of delivering at a hospital ten minutes away. Good luck!
We lived in North Dallas when I was pregnant with Malachi and I drove to Waxahachie just to stay with my OB and his nurses. I actually trust him with my life and that’s a lot of trust. But he and his team are amazing. If we ever move, don’t count me out living close just so I can use him.
. Pregnancy is a joyful, exciting, surprising, often scary time in life. And for that 9 months you need to feel comfortable and like there is no other dr in the world as good as your OB. After all, the most precious thing they are about to deliver after all, is your little miracle.
Good for you, Callie! We have two hospitals in town. One is newer and seemingly nicer than the other. My OB, whom I love and adore, only has practicing privileges at the older hospital. All my friends were shocked I wasn’t going to deliver at the high-end hospital, but I never once doubted my decision. My doctor was a saint during my entire pregnancy and complicated delivery (preeclampsia, HELLP, emergency c-section). I’m absolutely sticking with him for this second pregnancy, even though the office and hospital are 30 + minutes away. PLUS- He fully supports my decision to have a VBAC. You know what’s best for you and your family. You go, momma!
I think it’s really important to have a care provider you really trust and that can support you. I ended up choosing a care provider (team of midwives at a hospital birth center) that was 75 minutes from our home and I would say it was the best decision.
Instincts are so important. This is a once and a life time event for your family and the new little one. You absolutely did the right thing.
trust yourself, if momma ain’t happy, no body is happy. if you are not happy with your ob then go where you are. Yes you did the right thing. I’ve known ladies that switched at the very last minute so you are good.
good for you, lady! i agree – when pregnant, your relationship with your ob is crucial. we are delivering at a hospital much further away then the one just a few blocks down the road, but i would not feel comfortable anywhere else. and 16 pounds at 28 weeks?! you’re a rockstar!
You need to do what you feel most comfortable with. When I was pregnant I opted to drive 45 mins to an OB in 2 cities away instead of the 10 min drive to the next city ( my town had no hospitals) bc the next towns has a terrible reputation. I loved the hospital I delivered in. It couldn’t have been better. I would do the distance again in a heart beat.
I ran into a very similar issue at five months and knew I needed to switch gears. The nurses and OB kept telling me to watch my weight, but every time I asked for healthy living as it pertains to pregnancy they scratched their heads. They couldn’t tell me anything, but criticized by weight over and over again. Never mind my heart rate and blood pressure, which were perfect from start to finish. Uh, makes me angry just thinking about it.
I knew that if this team couldn’t support me and guide be during pregnancy, they certainly couldn’t during labor.
Good for you for trusting an following your needs!